Tuesday, October 17, 2017

First Rap Record?

Most will tell you Rapper's Delight by Sugarhill Gang, 1979. Buuuuuuuuuuut ... I heard Mr. Rudy Ray Moore doing Dolomite while a four piece jam band played in the background way back in early '72. Bought the album in 1975. Remember Dolomite? That Bad lil' motherfucker?

Some folks say that Willie Greene,
Was the baddest muthafucka the world has ever seen.
But I want ya to light you up a joint and take a real good shit and screw your wig on tight
And let me tell ya about the little baaaaaad muthafucka called Dolemite.
Now Dolemite was from San Anton'
A ramblin, scamblin, gamblin little young muthafucka from the day he was born.
Why the day he was dropped from his Mammy's ass, He slapped his Pappy's face
And said, "From now on, cocksucka, I'm running this place."
At the age of one he was drinkin whiskey and gin.
At the age of two he was eating the bottles it came in.
Now Dolemite had an Uncle called "Sudden Death".
Killed a dozen bad men from the smell of his breath.
When his Unc' heard how Dolemite was treatin his own Maw and Paw,
He said, "Let me go check this little bad rascal before he go too far."
Now one coooooold, dark December night,
His Uncle broke in on Dolemite.
Now Dolemite wasn't no more than three or fo'
When his Uncle come breakin through the do'.
His unc' said, "Dolemite,
I want you to straighten up and treat your brother right,
Cuz if you keep on with your dirty mistreatin,
I'm gonna whoop yo ass till your heart stop beatin"
Dolemite sittin in the middle of the floor playin,
He said, "I see yo lips quivering Unc', but I don't hear a cocksuckin word your sayin."
This made his uncle mad. He let off with a right that made lightin flash!
But Dolemite tore his leg off. He was that damn fast.
Now all the men in San Anton' gathered around that night.
To see if they could do something about the little bad rascal called Dolemite.
It took a hundred of the baddest, the boldest, the ugliest men in town,
Finally rode Dolemite's ass down.
Put him in jail, held him without bail.
If you think his Mammy was happy You shoulda seen his Pappy.
Now it's been eight long years since Dolemite's been fed.
The average muthafucka woulda long looong been dead.
Now the warden called Dolemite. Said, "Dolemite, I'm gonna tell you what we gonna do
Now we gonna give you a dollar and a half and a damn good meal
If you promise to leave us alone And get your badass outta San Anton'."
Dolemite took the dollar and a half and the damn good meal.
And said, 'I'm gonna tell you old, jive, molded, ancient, decrepit, muthafuckas how I feel."
Said, "Ya'll can suck my dick, nuts, and ass down to the muthafuckin bone!
Because I ain't never comin back to San Anton'."

Now Dolemite wasn't no more than thirteen when they let him out the gate.
He said, "I think I'll go across sea an try my fate."
He got a job in Africa kickin lions in the ass to stay in shape.
He got run outta South America for fuckin steers.
He fucked the she elephant till she broke down in tears.
Now Dolemite worked for five years and day. Got his pay.
Said, "Well, I believe I'll go back to that jive-ass USA."
Where the news of the heavyweight fight Was being broadcasted that night.
And a special bulletin said, "Look out for storms, atomic bombs, and Dolemite."
Now the first thing Dolemite encountered Was two big Rocky Mountains.
He said, "Mountains, what ya'll gonna do?"
They said, "We gonna part, Mr. Dolemite, and let yo bad ass through." Now Dolemite went on down to Kansas City.
Kickin ass till both shoes was shitty.
Hoboed into Chi'.
Who did he run into but that bad ass Two Gun Pete.
He said, "Move over, and let me pass.
Before they hafta pull these Triple-A's out yo muthatfuckin ass."
Went on down to Forty-Second street
Not for no shit but some place he could sleep and eat.
He run into that Chi' neighbor.
Of all the ho's she was the boss.
She'd suck ya, fuck ya, and jack ya off.
She said, "Come on down to my pad Dolemite."
Said, "We gonna fuck and fight till broad daylight."
Dolemite said, "Bitch, I had a job Africa kickin lions in the ass to stay in shape.
I got run outta South America for fuckin steers."
Said, "I fucked the she elephant till she broke down in tears."
Mabel said, "I don't care where you goin and where you been."
Said, "I'm layin to wrap this good hot juicy pussy all around yo bad ass chin."
Dolemite said, "Bitch! It's best you not fuck with me."
Said, "I better run ya down some of my pedigree."
Said, "I've swimmed across muddy rivers and ain't never got wet
Mountains has fell on me and I ain't dead yet.
I fucked an elephant and dared her to mutter,
I can look up a bull's ass and tell you the price of butter.
I fucked another elephant down to a coon.
Even fucked the same damn cow that jumped over the muthafuckin moon."
Said, "I rode across the ocean on the head of my dick,
And ate nine tons of cat shit and ain't never got sick.
And you talkin about wrappin your good hot pussy all around my badass chin
Biiitch! You outta be blowin up my ass tryin to be my muthafuckin friend."
Whoa, but Mabel farted. That's when the fuckin started.
She made her pussy do the Mojo, the Popcorn, the Turkey, and the Grind.
Left Dolemite's ass nine strokes behind.
She through pussy up Dolemite's back, come out of his ear, down his side, run out of his pocket.
Damn near through his asshole outta socket.
But Dolemite suddenly made a Mojo turn
Had the crabs around that bitches asshole hollerin, "Burn, baby burn!"
But the next mornin they found Mabel dead.
With her drawers wrapped around her nappy-ass head.
And the crabs was madder than a muthafucka!
To see Dolemite beat em out of they goddamn supper.
But Dolemite kept on kickin asses and fuckin up in the fall.
Till finally his role was called.
They had his funeral. Carried him down to the graveyard.
Dolemite was dead, but his dick was still hard.
The preacher said, "Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust."
Said, "I'm glad this little bad muthafucka called Dolemite is no longer here with us!"

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Do I Believe In The Hereafter?

uh NO! But I know whut'CHU mugs are here after. The DUMP! gitchysum ...

He who is satisfied with what he has, is a rich man